Cyrus

"Everyone benefits if we can leave our cars, walk, bicycle and access other transportation alternatives."- President Obama

Cyrus has spoken suckas! That's why I voted for the guy.

Alemania 1: learning how to eat

Several weeks ago we went on vacation. We had to “sleep” on the hard linoleum floor of the airport prior to our early morning flight because the metro doesn’t run at night, and a taxi would probably cost as much as the plane. In Europe, the kings of budget flights are Ryan air who seem to save you money but put you through all kinds of scams first. For example they fly to Frankfort-Hahn airport and call it Frankfort. It’s not. So we flew in almost sleepless, and commenced taking buses to Bonn, Germany. The plan was to meet up with Becky’s friend Liz in Bonn, at the house of their mutual friend Hagen and his girlfriend Lena. Hagen, Becky and Liz had all lived in a communal flop house in Michigan for stoners and skallawags. Someone asked Hagen his favorite memory from the house and it was some time he was so wasted that he didn’t remember it…he only knew the story from what other people said. So in other words he couldn’t remember his favorite memory. Good times. I call mine “the lost years”.

Neither of us had actually thought much about Germany, it was primarily the place where we would meet up with people and launch our journey to Czech, Hungary and beyond. It turned out to be really beautiful and we were catching it in full fall colors. By pure chance, our initiation was the Rhine valley which is dotted with castles and blanketed in deciduous forests, in addition to having nice cliff faces from time to time. I didn’t really know what Germany looked like…really nice actually. We ended up staying four or five days in Bonn because it was simple, easy, and a totally pleasant place to hang out. I had a vague and totally unfair image of Germans as being uptight and robotic and always one step away from attempting to take over the world (the true motive behind the European Union as you may know). They were not, not and not. Actually totally courteous and perhaps not outgoing, but friendly. All around a very civil society. And stuff was comparatively cheap there, which was a nice surprise when travelling Europe these days.

Hagen and Lena became our part time tour guides which was great. Hagen did display some funny German traits. For example, meticulous precision and a desire to control: we ate pasta one time and he said he liked the pickled cabbage with it. I promptly started mixing it into my pasta, when he clarified that the way to enjoy it is with the cabbage on the side, and perhaps mixing in a little with each bite. He was very clear that German bread should not be eaten with peanut butter. The barley bread was not to be toasted because all toasted bread tastes the same, and that would ruin the unique flavor of the barley bread. It was the most rigid, and amazingly specific eating regimen I have ever seen. Besides learning how to eat, we also went to Koln, which is nearby, to see the cathedral, the chocolate museum (never quite made it there) and have the local specialty beer style: Kolsch. As a brewer I have tried and failed to get my head around Kolsch, first it is fermented warm like an ale, then it is lagered. So it starts like a steam and finishes as a typical light lager. It is served in really small glasses dismayingly reminiscent of the Spanish cana. The KEY difference is that there is a dude walking around who takes note of whether you have finished your beer. Unless you place a coaster over the top, the default is that you want another, and it arrives in seconds. To be honest I thought the light German lagers were about as lame as the American counterparts. But I was enjoying the BIG food…finally a place where people eat enough for an adult, instead of child-sized tapas reminiscent of cat food with an olive in it. Later I sampled some German dunkel beers which were generally damn good, the Weisse were good too, the best in the world if you are into that sort of thing (a little sweet for me but Becky likes them).

On one of our last days we all went to Berg Ells, a castle in a beautiful river valley. The castle came about gradually as a series of large houses with a shared inner courtyard and shared walls. The tour was the perfect level of information and interp, really pretty fascinating. You usually don’t think about how things like castles came about. In this case, according to their version, the castle belonged to a family which regulated the trade route, i.e. the river valley within which the castle seemed to be sort of a guard station. What they didn’t say, but is likely to be true, is that traders had 3 choices: 1) travel really slowly over roadless hills and forests, 2) pay these people for safe passage, or 3)be killed trying to pass without paying. Repeat this cycle a few centuries and you have have a family rich enough to build a castle and still rich today after the collapse of 2 German empires.

Germany has a sort of web-based ride share board which is totally cheaper than the train. Any traveler should use this, but our first experience was pretty flipping insane. With our German translators’ help we arranged a ride to Berlin after a few days. Lena was given a description of the guy that sounded like a personal ad: SWM, 6’0’ sandy blond hair, slim & athletic, 30 years old, enjoys Nordic walking, seeks like-minded passengers to Berlin. So we were planning the ride to be Liz’s first date with this dude. The driver was a freaking maniac. He was in his 50’s and the first thing he did when I recognized him and tried to wave him down was nearly run me over. Really! The autobahn sounds really cool, but actually it is terrifying. If someone was driving too slow in front of him (less than 100 mph), he would pull up beside them, honk the horn and make sure they saw him flip them off. All of this was done on the autobahn at 100 mph or so…that’s right no eyes on the road just finger and angry face aimed at some haplessly same person who doesn’t want to drive that fast. He was a retired trucker than took a van load of people back and forth from time to time. The roadside gas stations had robot pay toilets which cleaned themselves after every use. I peed in the bushes instead, i don't pay to pee...but nobody told me about the robots before hand, that might have changed my mind. I might pay for robots. When we arrived in Berlin, the maniacal truck driver turned into a really friendly chatty guy, cheerily dropped us off at the hostel which was in his neighborhood and bid us goodnight. Schizophrenia.

Toledo....not in Ohio

These are a few pic's from Toledo. We were so disappointed when we got there that it wasn't Ohio. Actually it's a medieval walled city built up on a crag, which was occupied by Moors for a long time and reflects their architecture. It was also famous for sword-making. It's got one of many cool gothic cathedrals in Europe, which you can only see from a distance. This is because all buildings share walls and streets are just windy alleys which always smell like pee. So from half a kilometer away you may see the pointy spires. But unless you wander down the right alley you could never encounter the thing. It's a totally cool place to visit and is only a short 30 minute train from Madrid. I almost had a meltdown in the train station. We arrived in time for a train to Toledo, only to find out that the machines do not vend tickets for the high speed trains and you have to go to the ticket office which was a SISBN (Standard Issue Spanish Beaurocratic Nightmare). We actually had to take a number and wait the better part of an hour to purchase a ticket....as a train with empty seats left for Toledo. I felt that having a few more people manning the empty counters would have been a better expenditure of resources than the number dispenserr and digital paging system, but what do I know. We talked to a couple who had tried to get a train ticket to Toledo the day before and had just given up. But its ok we made it.

Anyways Toledo was a month ago, since then the guy I voted for and actually like really got elected. I thought it was the first time ever, but then I remembered that I voted to re-elect Clinton. I didn't really like Clinton, but the guy who ran against him was such a douche that I can't even remember his name. Some old white man. Douche. So that one doesn't count, because I was mostly voting against a douche rather than for somebody.

Turns out voting abroad is a total sham, to make you feel sort of OK like it matters. I got everything I was supposed to receive, and got it sent off. My problem is that the official receptacle for the ballot is an envelope which has both my name and my registered party on the outside. I thought the United States had a secret ballot system. What if the mail carrier is a racist? Or what if I live in a small town and he/she knows me and doesn't like me. Becky was way on the ball, and well in advance requested her absentee ballot. It turns out that her request was sent to the old address of the voting registrations department (or whatever the hell its called) which was changed. Seems pretty important to forward these things right, or notify people that the address changed right before the most anticipated election in decades?? She didn't discover the problem until it failed to show up, and then it was too late. What a load of shit. At least this time it wasn't very close. Maybe my vote counted, and Becky's didn't but in our respective states it didn't end up mattering.

I´m totally not dead!

no posts because no internet. no tengo internet.

!que mierda¡ ¡hijo de puta! ¡Joder!

i am living well enough however. my girlfriend has moved in, we comiserate about how rude madrileños are on the metro, we went to the medieval city of Toledo (really neato), and we went on vacation to germany and the czech republic. I think if I hadn´t already payed the extortion, i mean rent, I would have actually saved money compared to Madrid. I´m a little down on Madrid right now after seeing how civil Germans are (they wait for you to leave the train before barging in like the running of the bulls), how efficient things are (i really doubt it takes 2 months to get your internet installed in Germany) and how comparatively cheap life is (we stayed in what seemed like a swank luxury spacious apartment for rich yuppies, and found out the whole place cost only 40% more than what we pay for a room in an apartment with no living or dining room....and we routinely and easily found decent vegetarian meals for around 3 euro) . Maybe I should have gone to Germany? It was getting cold but the fall colors were amazing. Also my daily commute is making me exhausted all the time, it seems like all I do is work or travel to work. I underestimated this.....but the alternative was to stay in Mostoles which is plenty boring after 2 weeks or so. Can´t win. Becky is still on vacation in Budapest. I´ve got pics, keep checking in they´ll show up one of thes days. I´m coming to the states this winter, just bought the ticket. I fly on Xmas day to detroit with Becky, then at some undisclosed point I will come out west.

Oh yeah, i think prague might be the most beautiful city I´ve been to, you should go.

london baby

i took maybe 7 pictures in London, i like these three (especially together). i'm not telling what they are.

The riddle of steel....and other assorted crap

It appears that a whopping 4 people voted to name my bike, and indication of how many readers there are not named my mom. El guapo was the favorite, it got 2 votes. It goes well with the fact that I am in Spain, and that bike truly is a handsome devil. I also got two write-in suggestions "Conan the bikebarian" and the "taint bruiser". Taint bruiser sounds like an enemy, not like my best friend...so I have to pass on it despite the catchy ring. The Conan one is good, but i think maybe Conan already has some richer material. I forgot a rather obvious option suggested by Thulsa Doom....the riddle of steel. Conan the barbarian is full of awesome manly dialogue, e.g. swordmaster- " what is the best thing in life?" Conan - "to crush your enemies, drive them before you and hear the lamentation of their women." I'm actually surprised that Surly does not make a bike called the riddle of steel. All of the Surly frames are steel, in fact Surly is a steel cult, as are many of the custom craft builders. Steel is a rebellion against weight-weenie roadies in their neon lycra silly suits, it's old school, strong and proletariat. It's union-made PBR. When Conan is a boy, his dad, a blacksmith, makes a sweet flippin' sword (not a carbon fiber sword, a STEEL sword) and tells Conan that he must learn the riddle of steel. Shortly afterward, Thulsa Doom rolls in on his Harley and lops everyones heads off, burns the women and rapes the houses. Conan lives and is made a slave otherwise the movie would only be about 6 minutes. Later the adult Conan is beaten to a fleshy oozing pulp and has this chat with Thulsa Doom:

Thulsa: You killed my snake! Forgrim is beside himself with grief. He raised that snake from infancy.

Conan: You killed my mother! You killed my father! You killed my people!

Thulsa: Ah! Probably in my younger days, no doubt. In my quest for the riddle of steel.

Conan: The (gasp) riddle (gasp) of steel?

Thulsa: (emphatically)Yes! You know of it boy! Do you wish to know the answer? It’s the least I can do to tell you before I kill you. Steel is not strong. Flesh is stronger! What is the blade compared to the hand which wields it?"

...at this point Thulsa doom beckons to some floppy-necked drugged out hippy chick who hurls herself from a balcony(gasp) . Then, proving his point...he says (emphatically) "THAT is strength boy!" I don't know if he's right...it's more like an example of what religion can do to a brain. I imagine the dialogue there wouldn't have been as poignant if he said (emphatically) "THAT is how dumb you are if you join my snake cult, boy!" So there ya go...the riddle of steel now you know it and you didn't even get your ass kicked.

Another name option is Cyrus. CAN YOU DIG IT SUCKAS!!!! Or maybe you're all turning fag-got! Cyrus is the gang leader from "The Warriors" who gets assassinated by the Riffs who blame it on the warriors, who need to get home to Coney and could easily, EASILY , do so if they just took off their colors. But they don't want to act like faggots or anything so they decide to wear their colors and fight everybody instead, it's kind of like US foreign policy. One strange thing is the resemblance of Cyrus to Thulsa Doom, both physically and in their Cicero-crushing, mad oratory skills. There was actually gang warfare in the theatres when this movie was released....so you know it's good.










Thulsa Doom, Cyrus....great orators, cult leaders, misunderstood tragic heros. One was a part-time snake, one got popped early in the film.

So what do you think, el Guapo, The Riddle of Steel, or Cyrus?









How's this for a segeue (spelling? what is the deal with French vowel abuse? And furthermore, what is the deal with full grown japanese girls and mickey mouse shirts, watches, hats, backpacks, etc.?)...











Obama- "Can you count SUCKAS!!!! The future is ours, if you can count!!" Websearch this, you won't be dissapointed. The first debate is all over the TV here. but more importantly... McCain has 13 cars, Obama has one hybrid. Score 13 for Cyrus, suckas. And I've seen pictures of Barack on a bike. 13 more for Cyrus! Thats 26-0 if you can count.

Finally, this appeared on another blog that I read sometimes. I have to admire the way he is taking this D-bag senator to task. I once had a guy turn right in front of me forcing me to slam on my brakes and just barely avoid hitting him. Then I confronted him in a parking lot. I told him he was a fucking asswipe and he almost hit me. He told me I shouldn't be riding on the right of the lane (not true, that is the legal position when not changing lanes, preparing for a turn, or avoiding a hazard). I said some other adrenaline-gibberish, after which he said "leave me alone" and drove off, completey unconcerned about any problem I might have. He was right, what was I going to do, punch him, or dent his car? Then I get arrested, sweet, good solution. I called the cops with his license and a reckless driving complaint, I'm sure LV metro was very concerned too. "Um yeah, we've got our hands full harassing homosexuals and black people, we'll advise a squad car to keep an eye out". It was a demonstration of the fuedal system of the road, bike serfs and SUV barons. But anyway, this time the D-bag is a mercedes senator, and I reckon he isn't enjoying the attention the following incident is attracting. Turns out that the internet is not only a source of bad information and porn, but is also empowering:

September 17, 2008

Senator Jeff Klein
Legislative Office Building
Room 313
Albany, New York 12247

Dear Senator Klein,

RE: My request, as a member of the board of Transportation Alternatives, to meet with you to discuss transportation policy as it relates to bicycle safety, carbon emissions, the cultivation of New York City quality of life, breathable air, and traffic congestion.

Though you may not know my name, you may recall that you and I met today under rather unpleasant circumstances on New York City’s Broadway, just north of City Hall. You were driving your black Mercedes. I was riding a small folding bicycle and wearing a purple helmet.

To refresh your memory:

Traffic was moving rather slowly and you were heading in the downtown direction, as was I. You were in the far left lane and I was riding on the curbside of that lane, near your rear passenger door. Suddenly, you began to veer your Mercedes to the left, potentially crushing me between your car and the cars parked on the side of the road.

With nowhere to go to get out of your way, and to avoid serious injury or death, in desperation, I chose to knock on your window to let you know that I was there and that you should avoid veering further in my direction.

At this point, you brought your vehicle to an abrupt halt, not to avoid hitting me, but because you apparently needed to communicate something to me. You rolled down your window and said, “Get your hands off my car, you fucking asshole.”

I said, “You were veering into me and going to crush me.”

You said, “You better not touch other people’s cars. You might find that touching other people’s cars is more dangerous than traffic.”

This gave me the impression that you were threatening me.

I said, “I think my life is more precious than your car.”

You said, “I didn’t see you.”

I said, “If you’re driving a car, it’s your responsibility to see what’s in road space before you veer into it. That’s what your driver side mirror is for.”

You said, “I looked in my mirror.”

I said, “You should also turn and look over your shoulder since you know there could be a bicyclist.”

You said, “Yeah. Well, maybe you should watch where you’re going.”

I said, “Where was I supposed to go? I was there. And you were veering into me.”

I was about to remind you that, in the past week, two cyclists have been killed by automobiles in New York City, but you made a gesture which implied you considered this conversation a waste of time and drove off. That is when I saw that your car had special license plates proclaiming your membership of the New York State Senate.

A red light stopped you at the next intersection. I rode alongside you and, more cautiously, tapped again on your window. You rolled it down. I could tell by your face that you weren’t happy to be talking again to this particular New York State citizen, on whose behalf you govern.

I asked you, “What is your name, Senator?”

You said, “Senator Jeff Klein.” This is how I know it was you.

Now, the thing is, Senator, I don’t particularly call you to task for calling me a fucking asshole. If the roles had been reversed, and I had a big black Mercedes and you came up in a purple helmet, knocking on my window, and I didn’t realize I was on the verge of crushing your legs, I might have called you a fucking asshole, too.

I’d like to point out, however, that, as mad as you were about my touching your car window with my hand, you could double or triple that strength of emotion when it comes to how frightening it is to be on the other side of the Mercedes driving wheel, especially when that particular Mercedes is coming toward you.

Weigh it up: “he might scratch my black Mercedes” against “he might cause my little girl to be left fatherless.”

Weigh it up again: One guy is riding a bike that weighs a grand total of 22 pounds and has a relatively small potential to harm others. The other guy is in charge of a powerful machine that weighs a couple of tons. Which person has the greater responsibility to watch out for the care and welfare of people who may get in their path, by their own fault or not?

As a State Senator, I’m sure you especially feel the weight of the obligation to look out for the welfare of others, no?

Again, this is not to say you did not act like many other humans in the same situation. But it is to say that transportation policy in New York City currently falls way too short of making sure that unintended confrontations like ours–and worse ones that end in fatalities–don’t occur.

Proper policy, which provided ubiquitous segregated bike lanes or which limited traffic congestion, could reduce such incidents without having to depend on drivers of black Mercedes, for example, remembering to look in their driver side mirror or over their shoulders.

It is for this reason that I hope you will honor my request to visit your office, along with Transportation Alternatives Executive Director Paul Steely White, to ask you to reconsider your current platforms on transportation and traffic congestion in New York City.

As you know, the United States’ dependence of foreign oil contributes significantly to our current economic crisis and is a matter of national security. Furthermore, the planet’s future ability to support human life is in peril because of global warming caused, in large measure, by the overuse of the same foreign oil.

At the same time, countless studies show that making the streets of New York and other cities safer and more convenient for bicyclists and pedestrians would reduce automobile use, dependence on foreign oil, carbon emissions, and traffic congestion while contributing to breathable air and livable streets, improved retail business, and the physical health of New Yorkers.

Yet, until now, your platform has presented obstacles to the adaptations that might bring these benefits to New York City. Not only did you oppose congestion pricing, a measure intended to decrease vehicular traffic, but you proposed eliminating the tolls on bridges and tunnels into Manhattan on holidays, which would bring more traffic into the City and further encourage automobile use, just when it should be decreased.

I hope you’ll consider that these policies are out of step with the current times. I hope, too, seeing, in the case of our confrontation, the result of your policies when it comes to impact on personal lives, in general, and the safety of bikers, in particular, might also give you cause to reconsider your position.

Policies that make New York City safe for bicyclists and pedestrians–the people who live on the streets as opposed to the people who just drive through them–is best, both for our citizens and the planet.

I look forward to hearing from you regarding my request to meet in person to discuss these issues.

Yours sincerely,

Colin Beavan
aka No Impact Man,
Board Member, Transportation Alternatives

Readers, if you would like to support my request to meet with Senator Klein or to generally register your thoughts about his confrontation with me, a telephone call is the most effective means of communication. But if you can’t call, please email.

You might also care to register your concerns with his more senior colleague, the leader of the Democrats in the State Senate, Senator Malcolm A. Smith.

editors note: i was a few days late in hearing about this and posting anything about it. In the meantime, so many people called the senator that no impact man is going to meet with him about transportation alternatives.

big bang, lavapies style

Is it just me or does an underground facility to replicate the big bang seem like a bad idea?

I'm just writing to say I'm still alive, just busy and without internet at home. After my vacation I had a trip to London for a nerd conference, and I did a talk about nerd stuff to some nerds. I stayed on with the kids from the lab for the weekend and drank proper british pints, spoke proper English, and I saw THE proper Rosetta stone among many other cool objects. I saw like half of Egypt, Greece and Rome in the British museum, but for some reason I was really impressed that I saw the authentic rosetta stone among all this stuff that the English plundered.

I'm stealing internet from a neighbor now (actually he's probably stolen all the info off my computer by now, so good deal for him). My landlord has asked the internet company to begin our service, a month ago. Classic Spanish style, that's just normal to wait a month for installation apparently.

So since the quick London trip, I have moved into Madrid, at the north end of the Lavapies neighborhood, the former Jewish district centuries ago. Now it's sort of "ethnic town" with immigrants from Africa, India, and several other parts of Asia. The bad news is now I'm a subway commuter, but the city is so much cooler than Mostoles. Plus I can get a little work done on the subway so its not totally lost time. I can find food I like! And cheap! I can buy a half pound of cumin for a freaking euro. Five minutes away is an Indian buffet, 8 euros (this is pricy compared to the states but it's practically giving shit away in Europe). I went jogging the other day to the palace, the cathedral and the Egyptian temple. And everyday I walk somewhere new and interesting. I've never had such an interesting jogging route before, or so many "old world monuments" five minutes outside my door (In fact none...ever). I live on the top floor, so theres a big terrace where I enjoy my morning & weekend "chill with coffee" time. Downstairs, so close I could spit on it, is my favorite bar in the neighborhood. It has a logo with a Tom Waits-like demon face. Actually I think its a Satyr not a demon, but its a dope bar. The tapas are a crap shoot though. I can never recognize anything they bring me, and its different every round. Once they brought me baba ganoush which I was psyched about, then they brought some mayonnaise slop with stinky fish in it. I tried a little city cycling the other day, and its really pretty chill even on the larger streets. The truth is traffic does not move very quickly so its easy to keep pace with automobiles most of the time. This despite the warnings of how dangerous it is, from all the people (like my new roomate) who have never once ridden a bike in the city. But, so far, for anything in the city it's quick enough just to walk and that way I don't have to worry about bike theft. The weather is super nice again and I've been back on the bike a little, discovering new cycling paths which take me south to the river valleys instead of north to the mountains (just for something different). One of these days I need to make a map of all the places I've ridden, with notes. I would have liked to encounter this very thing on someone's website before arriving.

Soon some pics of the new house & hood...

Becky arrives in only 7 days. I can' t believe it's been 6 months.

Heres a fun one....I live on Jesus & Mary street (Calle Jesus y Maria) and my landlord's name is Christ (Cristo). If he can heal lepers you'd think he could get the internet to work. Fraud! Charlatan!