La Criticona

Last weekend we went on a bike ride around Madrid with about 2500 friends. La Criticona was a special annual mass ride where people from everywhere were invited to Madrid to participate. This is somewhat nonsensical because they didn't bike from Rome, for example, just to come to this ride...but whatever. Why get all hung up on being a purist, the result was thousands of riders absolutely taking over Madrid. Teresa was up from Granada so she went along. Despite having lots of friends form work who regularly go to the monthly ride, I've never gone because: a) i never remember, b) I have mixed feelings about critical mass. On b, the cruel irony is that I have been personally responsible for about 30 rides in two cities, and have personally contributed to some of my own grievances. I have seen that being in a mass ride is exhilarating, and inspires regular people who don't ride their bikes much to ride more because they suddenly realize they are part of something. And its just fun, especially when people bring a sense of theatre and humor. If you haven't been to one, the idea is this: cyclists meet at a known time and place, and proceed to ride slowly in a group, usually in a meandering path. Most places, the mass must stay together or its defeated, so if a red light occurs which would split the mass, the riders just keep going with the aid of corkers who just sort of park their bikes in front of the cross traffic. Theres themed rides, costumed rides, and naked rides. I think they are coolest for everyone involved when they feel like a circus-parade hybrid. Although it is sort of a vague protest (of global warming, isolating car culture, construction of cities for cars instead of people, lack of bike safety, lack of bike infrastructure, marginalization of cyclists, etc.), I think it fails the most when it becomes more of a protest and less of a celebration. This leads to anger and confrontations. This is not really a venue for changing any of the above grievances, theres no follow up city council meeting and the mayor is not standing there thinking "we're gonna have to add more bike lanes". If the mayor were there he would more likely be thinking "riot squad?". Also, while the very heart of the whole thing is doing for a couple of hours one day a month, what cars can do 24 hours a day every other day, when it starts leading to feelings of revenge upon the world rather than elation at all the other cyclists and all the smiles on their faces, it can go to bad places. I have a citation for "obstructing a public thoroughfare", technically an arrest for a criminal offence (no shit), to prove it from a ride that wanted to be an Iraq war protest (of course we were 174% right, but in the political climate at that moment this was a touchy subject to say the least). Once you realize you are not changing the world with your ride, you can be free to enjoy yourself, which in turn leads to enjoyment in those around you, even many of those stuck in cars that cannot go anywhere. Usually when you are stuck in traffic there's not a juggler standing and performing on your front bumper...that's more fun than getting home on time.



Anyways, this was near the ideal. It was the biggest mass I've ever been to, and a tie for most theatrical. There were so many of us that were literally could not move for minutes at a time.

The highlights:
1) We started near the Plaza Cibeles about a km N of Atocha train station. The first indication that we were an outlandinshly large group was that, travelling in the direction of Atocha, we looked to our left and saw the front of the mass travelling in the opposite direction. They had made a U-turn at the roundabout by Atocha. At that point, we were at least half a km from the trains station...if you get out a pencil and some paper and your graphing calculator to do the difficult math.... that means the mass was a km long on a road with 4 lanes in both directions! But, what speed were they travelling, and did they reach Cleveland faster that the train from Philadelphia with an average speed of 100 km per hour?

1a) The ride was so big and slow, we could have stopped at a terrace, had a coffee, and rejoined the ride.

2) Early on, a bus became trapped in the mass. I thought when we passed he was going to be a swadling bundle of road rage. Actually he was cheering and taking pictures of the never ending stream of cyclists swarming around him. And why not he was getting paid, and you don't this somehting like this any old day.

3) In Moncloa, the mass encountered another mass. Apparently we had split into multiple monstrous groups, and then recollided.

4) The entirety of one direction of Gran Via, the Spanish Broadway Boulevard, full of bikes as far ahead of us as we could see.

5) The mass observing pedestrian crosswalks, but not allowing automobile cross traffic to penetrate. The pedestrians were applauded.

6) Would-be penetrators stranded in the middle of a sea of bikes with people camping out on their hoods. A few pissed off (like cabbies, the diplomats of the automobile world), but some just laughing at the futility of their attempt.


7) We took the tunnel under Plaza de Espana. Normally this would be like riding into a meat grinder, but we made it our bitch.

8) The ride ended at the plaza in front of the palace. New riders just kept rolling in. Someone with a big stereo had started playing techno and 80s dance music. A dance party was slowly beginning. We ended up going somewhere else, but I'm curious how this all went down, looked like the makings of a good party.

9) Skeletor got our backs.


The low point: There's only one. At one point the mass was split by cross traffic in the tunnel. A few riders started a surge to encroach, stop the traffic, and rejoin the mass. One guy in a car may have nearly hit someone, and was enraged. There was a cop at his wit's end, trying to calm the guy down and tell him to wait. Not helpfully, some riders were taunting the guy as the rode past. During all of this there was a little girl in the back seat, terrified by the near accident, her dads anger, the presence of a cop, and the crazy cyclists hurling insults at her dad.

All told, a great day with one shitty moment and about 3 hours of good moments. The regular ride is at 8:00pm, last thursday of every month, Plaza Cibeles.
http://bicicritica.ourproject.org/web/node/265
I'm not sure what city has next year's criticona. First in Rome 2008 (5000 riders), then Madrid 2009 (2500 riders), 2010????? Here's the link
http://lacriticona.ourproject.org/index.en.php