The Michelangelo encryption

I have been busy. I went on a field trip to Sax to do some work last weekend. To the left is my best picture from Sax., maybe my best photo ever. What is the thing speaking, and why are it's words in a cloud as if they are thoughts? Then I took my days off in the middle of the week. I took the train to Cercedilla, then hiked the Roman road to Peurto Fuenfria. On the train I saw the fascist monument at Valle de los Caidos, plain as day, you can't miss it. The roman road was cool, its about 1000 years old, but was repaved (recobbled really) about 300 years ago, and nows its falling apart again. It was a hazy day so the Puerto did not offer much in the way of views, but it was a pleasant enough walk. I wisely opted out of biking it which would have required a mountain bike. My bike hasn't been seeing alot of recreational action...just commuting. The Roman Road is also part of one of the Camino de Santiago pilgrimage routes which converge on Santiago de Compostela. So it consists of many layers of history.



the sweetest trail map i ever saw

a cow taking a load off on the roman road to fuenfria

Today I went to the convento de los descalzos reales (Royal convent of the barefoot, approximately). I didn't know anything about it except that it was recommended on one of these expat-travel Spain websites. It said "fantastic treasures lie within"...so I was suckered. Maybe it was a riddle, extolling me to find my inner beauty. The convent was actually was pretty cool, except guided tours are compulsory, do not follow a logical order, are totally dry, and give you no time to really look at anything. And they don't allow pictures. I wanted to dawdle and see the details like the cool tiles on the floor, the raggedy toenails of Mary Magdalene, the writhing cherubim at the feet of the virgin. The best thing about catholicism for me are the things that the reformationists hated so much: idolatry, medieval symbols that are still in use and no one understands anymore, and gaudy wealth. The convent is a series of chapels that are covered in baubles, gold, fake gold, trinkets, sculptures, sculptures wearing gold crowns, gold paint, and very old religious iconography, oh and gold. If you are an anthropologist studying the Spanish, like me, you will find it totally enthralling...if they'd just give you 5 seconds to look at shit and actually permit photos. The past and present of Spain is very much about catholicism, from the conquistadors to the inquisition to Franco (i may be overcynical but I can't think of positive things to mention in this list), and even now. For example, the pope is going to return to Madrid I think next year, and the Spanish government will pay for it. It's really weird that this is a democratically elected socialist government, which also has a monarch that is a subject of the pope and the catholic church. It seems like an impossible combination, but history is weird like that.

Some of the oddest things about the convent were ones that were conspicuously not mentioned. i wondered, what the hell does all of this mean? I did a thorough job of dodgy internet reasearch to solve these mysteries, so now i'm an expert. Perhaps now I will write a cheap imitation of Umberto Eco and sell a million copies at grocery store checkout lines. I'll call it "The Michelangelo encryption".

1) There was a statue of Mary, at her feet was a dragon, and a frothy mess of chubby baby heads with wings. I imagine the dragon was some incarnation of satan. The baby heads, the part that really bothered me to be honest, were a way of representing angels (cherubim to be exact). Because these were fat babies they seem to be a hybrid cherubs and putti, innocent souls represented as fat babies with wings.

2) Flagellation. A painting in the old nun's dormitory depicts a woman holding a cat of nine tails. Basically an instrument for purifying yourself by whipping. Portaits of nuns showed a knotted rope that they wore. I thought this might be another self torture device, but it turns out to just be an early form of rosary or prayer knot.

3) The beasts of Valle de los Caidos. After the bewildering apocalyptic imagery of valle de los Caidos...I recieved this lesson in a tapestry hanging in the convent dormitory. First the figures at valle de los caidos are not apostles, rather they are the gospels. Each is associated with a symbol which indicates their representation of Jesus. Eagle, Lion, Ox, Man. For example the ox is a beast of burden image of Jesus, the man is the universal man. John is associated with an eagle. We were told by the tour guide that a dominant theme in all the tapestries was the depiction of the transfiguration of bread and wine into the body and blood of Jesus, something the protestants wanted purged from the church, but the tapestry maker considered the most important thing ever. John is holding a chalice, unmentionted was the freaking snake tail hanging out of the cup! !! A quick search of dodgy internet info reveals a snake with a chalice is a pagan symbol of masculinity. For John, the legend goes that he was given a cup of poisoned wine, made the sign of the cross over it, and the poison slithered out in the form of a snake. Patrick driving the snakes form Ireland is probably a similar metaphor. The weird thing about the tapestry is that the snake TAIL hangs from the cup, as if the snake is crawling in. This will be the centerpiece of my novel.

4) In one room, Mary Magdalene is portrayed in a hyperrealistic wooden statue. You can see the blue veins in her hand. I couldn't help but notice...her toenails were like mine. Too long, rough with pieces broken off here and there. The platform she was standing on had junctions were multiple pieces of wood came together. These are absent from the statue itself which leads me to the obvious conclusion that the platform is some type of container. If you want to know whats in it you will have to buy the book and tolerate gratuitous use of cliffhangers at the end of each chapter.