I'm here to help

Tommorrow I take my placement exam in a language school. The class will cost a couple hundred bucks but is really fairly cheap as far as these things go.

So, I'm here to help you out with some highly useful information, I'll save the best for last.

Useful Spanish words and phrases, we'll start with "T" for no good reason. Forget your mexican slang, "chinga tu madre" and "pinche gringo" won't get you far in Spain. People will only laugh like we laugh when British people ask us if we are being "cheeky", or "are you taking the piss?", or "bollocks!". So heres some good ole Spanish Spanish for you:

trabuco: literally musket, but pretty much means penis
titiritero: puppeteer
tranquilo: calm, tranquil. You can use it to tell someone to chill.
tendedero: a rack thing with clotheslines for drying your clothes indoors when its raining
tio: everybody is your uncle in Spain. its the equivalent of dude, man, or dude man. If its a woman, yep its tia. Another equivalent word is chico/chica, e.g. boy or girl.
and by the way: space is espacio not espacia, and i said in an earlier post (I am an excellent source of bad info)
and heres a "P" thrown in for fun
putamadre: i'm unsure on the spelling but this is what I think I'm hearing. It means "motherfucker". You can shout it when some jackass cuts you off, or you can say it to express how good your food is. putamadre is damn good.


Ok the best piece of info, needs some background. I am addicted to Huy Fong Brand Sriracha chili sauce. Because of the rooster logo, its is referred to as "hot cock" or I've also heard "kickin chicken". Despite all the rumors, it does not contain crack. Its far, far, far better than crack. Some people will complain it's not "authentic" enough because its made in the USA with ingredients available in the USA. I don't understand this obsession with "authenticity". Either the stuff is good or not, who cares if it is authentically derived form one culture or a synergistic blend of multiple cultures (case in point: burritos, pizza). Huy Fong Sriracha is so damned good I have their rooster on my body forever. Greg Telles tattooed me for a 6 pack, or maybe for free I can't remember, with his homemade tattoo gun. Sometimes when I tell people that they think I am joking. They can't believe that anyone would actually get a tattoo of a hot sauce label, but that's how I roll. Won't I feel stupid having that tattoo when I'm old? I can proudly say that one day I will be 80 and I will have a bluish smudge on my arm and I'll tell people about Sriracha through my dentures and they wont listen to me because I'm old and I always say crazy shit that noone listens to. The point is, it won't matter if I feel stupid because everyone will treat me like I'm stupid regardless.

People have been telling me for years to write to Huy Fong and see if I can get any free stuff for being their walking billboard for over a decade. Maybe I'll do it soon and let you in on the experiment.

Ok long setup for this: I made my own Sriracha tonight. I have no idea if its good yet, it's maturing in the fridge. But I did it in the style of Huy Fong with ripe red jalapenos. I found someone's recipe on line. I should have added garlic, but if this easy recipe makes anything remotely similar to the hot cock sauce, I'll be pretty happy.

1 pound ripe RED jalapenos, so fully vine ripened
2.5 cups of rice or white wine vinegar
0.25 cups of sugar
1 tablespoon salt

put the chilis in the vinagre, bring to boil, dissolve sugar and salt, purree the mixture, let the ingredients get friendly in the fridge overnight.